Real life is being things on the inside, not getting things on the outside.
Ralph Parlette
This little incident took place a few years back, at a gathering for some of our extended family. We'd finished lunch and the children had settled into play mode. The weather was nice, so most of the children were playing outside, but there was one toddler sitting in the middle of a pile of toys. He had picked out one toy and was deeply engaged in it. Then another child about the same age wandered into the room.
The newcomer fixed her eyes on the toy the other child was holding. Even though there were dozens of attractive toys available, she went directly for the one that had captivated the young boy. He might have been willing to give up the toy if someone had asked him nicely, but when the young girl tried to take it from him, he became even more attached to it.
Very shortly, there was a lot of crying and adults rushing in to sort things out.
I'm not sure how the two got quieted down. But I have a very clear picture of them both wanting to play with the same toy at the same time. Even though there were dozens of other toys, it seemed that what made a toy attractive was that someone already had it. If it was unattended on the floor, it was not as desirable.
I've often thought how much the action of those two toddlers mirrors adult life. It's probably a survival instinct to try to take possession of as many things as we can. But we never seem to outgrow that habit.
We think happiness lies in getting more. In our minds, the more material things we get, the closer we are to happiness. We're like the little child. We think that we'll be happy when we get what others already have.
But I've come to realize that there's no connection between happiness and material things. Think about the last major purchase you made. How long did you feel good about it? How long did the feeling of euphoria last?
Acquiring things will not make us happy. The most joy comes from the opposite: giving things away; helping others. The more good we can do for others, the better we feel about ourselves.
Work to reduce your desire for material things. Learn to know the joys of giving and sharing. You'll find true joy once you discover your calling to help others. It's not what we collect in life, but what we become that determines our level of happiness.
Vigilantly practice indifference to external conditions. Your happiness can only be found within.
Epictetus
In Celebration of MHS Class of 1958
Monday, July 21, 2008
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4 comments:
John, so much of what you post here zeros in on subjects affecting content of character as well as success. You have a seldom found quality: to draw universal application and meaning from commonplace observations. I like, and envy, your ability to do this.
I guess we are coded to be acquisitive, but, I’ve found that one "gets" much from giving. I agree with you. It’s just that what the giver gets is on the inside. No, it’s not tactile, not pretty, nor is it fun to play with. But, it’s something that doesn’t break or wear out or go out of style.
Of course, if we’re talking VD...
Thanks for this post. As a Secular Franciscan, I notice that your post is very Franciscan. Saint Francis and Saint Clare both came from wealthy families and embraced lives of poverty, for several reasons, but one being that they knew that perfect joy does not come from having material possessions.
I quote below No. 11 from the Secular Franciscan Rule. The key word in our Rule is "detachment." One could be poor and obsessed with material possessions or one could be wealthy and detached. In your story, the newcomer was poor and obsessed with the toy she did not have, and the boy was wealthy because he had the toy but was not detached. Thinking of the example of the children, the word "grasping" comes to mind as the opposite of detached.
"11. Trusting in the Father, Christ chose for himself and his mother a poor and humble life, even though he valued created things attentively and lovingly. Let the Secular Franciscans seek a proper spirit of detachment from temporal goods by simplifying their own material needs. Let them be mindful that according to the gospel they are stewards of the goods received for the benefit of God's children.
"Thus, in the spirit of the Beatitudes, and as pilgrims and strangers on their way to the home of the Father, they should strive to purify their hearts from every tendency and yearning for possession and power."
Ouida, your post reminds me of the quote by Seneca (4 B.C. - 65 A.D.), "It is not the man who has too little, but the man who craves more that is poor."
Exactly. Saint Francis would agree.
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