Lessons in Life - Getting Permission

Getting Permission

The fault dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves that we are underlings.
William Shakespeare
1564 - 1616

Do you remember when you were in first grade? You had to raise your hand to get permission to talk, and you had to raise your hand to get permission to go to the restroom. The teachers did this for a reason: to maintain order in the classroom. But we certainly got conditioned to ask for permission before we did anything.

Do you remember your first job? Someone taught you what you were supposed to do and what you couldn't do. If you were like me, it didn't take long for a situation to come up that you weren't authorized to handle. So what did you do? You went to your supervisor to get permission.

When you decided to get married, what did you do? You probably discussed your intentions with your parents and your future in-laws. In short, you got permission.

The point I'm trying to make is that, for most of our lives, we've been conditioned not to do anything without getting permission.

When we're young and we don't have a lot of experience, that's probably a healthy thing. After all, we don't know all the consequences that might result from our actions. So there's some safety in getting permission.

But unfortunately, old habits die hard. All too often, we carry this habit over into our adult lives. And what happens? We have the need to get permission, but there's no one to give us permission. We often have the nagging feeling that we can't do something because we aren't qualified or don't have the experience -- in short, we don't have permission. This problem usually comes up when we're trying new things. I often see people who are highly qualified in a particular field, but are afraid to fully engage because they feel the need for approval.

Where do they seek approval or permission? More often than not, they ask someone who is really not qualified to give it. They ask a drinking buddy, a neighbor, a spouse or a close friend -- generally someone who is safe.

I think there are two lessons here. One is to be aware that your need for approval or permission may be holding you back from achieving your potential; don't let that happen to you. The second lesson is not to seek permission or approval from someone who isn't experienced or knowledgeable enough to give a meaningful opinion. There are plenty of people who will tell you that you aren't qualified to do something. If the Wright brothers had listened to everyone who said it wasn't possible for man to fly, the world would be a lot different than it is today. The same is true for Edison, Bell and a host of others.

The quickest way to kill your dream is to seek permission. You're no longer in the first grade. You don't need permission to pursue your dream.


Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you're probably right.
Henry Ford
1863 - 1947